By Brian Jessen, Member until 2011

After a good long summer vacation where family came first, I had been invited to my first RRCamp by Kimu Sensei.

I didn't show what RRCamp was going to be about. The only thing I showed was that I had to show up at the Hilton in Malmö on Friday 20 August at 13.00 and would be finished on Saturday 21 August approx. at 3 p.m. Right up to RRCamp I got an email to be prepared for the unexpected and that I shouldn't expect to get very much sleep, if any at all.

I had read the articles that Jens Kyoshi had written about the times he had been away, but I could not think of those articles, as I had been told that I should be prepared for the unexpected. However, the thoughts were set in motion and I couldn't stop thinking about any of the things that Jens Kyoshi has written about. And here my RRCamp had already started, since I did exactly what I shouldn't, namely pretending a lot of things that I would be exposed to and not just being prepared for the unexpected.

The last half year has been a very difficult time for me and my event in Shindenkan has been running at a very low level.

I was therefore very nervous when I showed up at the Hilton. I had not met Kimu Sensei for several months and I showed that my physical and mental condition was not the best. I didn't just have butterflies in my stomach, I had big swans in my stomach. Leading up to camp, my mood had fluctuated a lot. At times I felt like I could pull it off without a problem and at other times I was very close to cancelling.

But now I was standing in front of Kimu Sensei with the others and RRCamp was in earnest.

The camp was a big test of where we were, both physically and mentally. All the while we were driven to give our best 100%. There was no time to relax. There was only one way, and that was forward.

As written before, I didn't think my physical and mental state was the best and I used that as an excuse for myself. I was an inhibition to myself on Friday. I tried to be something I wasn't. I lived in an illusion and did not see myself as I was.

Sometime in the night between Friday and Saturday, it suddenly dawned on me that I couldn't be anyone but myself. If my physical and mental condition wasn't the best, it wasn't the best. I had to accept that I was where I was and the only one who could change it was me. The only one to blame was me.

So on Saturday I showed that I could only give my best, my 100%. Yes, it cost me a trip to the toilet where the breakfast came up and didn't taste as good as the first time, but I had given my 100% my best. All of a sudden it was easier for me to say the things that I meant, it was easier for me to solve the tasks, since I only had to solve them where I was mentally. I shouldn't solve them by imagining how others thought it should be solved. I only had to solve them by doing what I thought it should be done. I just had to be myself, as I was on Saturday, August 21, 2010.

Saturday 21 August 2010 at 15.00 in the parking basements of the Hilton hotel in Malmö, I stood as a changed man, again with a positive view of life, of Shndenkan, of my training and especially of myself.

Life is good!!!!