By Martin E. Hansen, Member until 2018
As a farmer considers his field and the plantation owner his fruit trees, it was now time for me to see if any grains had sprouted and grown large and ready to be harvested. This is an ongoing process and not all grains ripen at the same time and some may not turn into anything, yet others mutate and must be discarded. In other words, the task was to prove whether all the training had become an integral part of me and how many bad habits I had acquired and what I had invented myself along the way.
The most natural thing was of course to show it during a pre-graduation with Kimu Sensei and Jens Shihan as active spectators. Tuesday 21 January was the date, Egebjerg School in Ballerup was the place. This afternoon I had to prove my worth, now was my one chance to gather the lessons learned from the last 5 months and fire it. Oddly enough, I didn't have the exam anxiety I've always had when I had to do my best, which later turned out to be not so smart in several areas.
The calm I had in my body was probably a gain achieved through the processing of my psyche, and having difficulty making a choice or overcoming the anxiety to do so. But for a pre-graduation, it's not smart, which I found out when the usual nervousness, which after all, was absent, didn't set me up. It was strongly pointed out, and I must promise that I received psychological slaps from Kimu Sensei, who probably had to whip up a mood so that I could pull myself together. I'd bet a sweaty gi that if any outsiders had entered the training room, they would have run away crying, the atmosphere was so close.
Again, I can only thank my teacher, as it was again to lend a helping hand, so that I did not waste my chance to show what potential I really have. I understood afterwards that it was again a so-called mirroring of myself, when Kimu Sensei showed me my shadow sides, good and bad. I could go and get a little scared of myself (I'm not paranoid), but there I learned what it means to be under pressure. I really thought I knew how to be under pressure, but it has been physically stressful situations, which you can overcome relatively quickly through hard physical training, such as up to a physical test in connection with a graduation. Without bragging, I have a relatively good physique, which Kimu Sensei also knows, so why test this when you can test and work on something where I am weaker. This has been one of the biggest benefits of the pre-graduation, which I initially perceived as a low "harvest yield".
The reason why I felt this was that at the pre-graduation I suffered a psychological defeat of the greats, not because Kimu Sensei had looked down on me, but because I was disappointed in myself (I could see in Kimu Sensei what I could provide). I had learned that I had actually failed and I acknowledged that and apologized to myself, but perhaps just being able to see one's mistakes and shortcomings and acknowledge them can bring you forward and make you a whole person.
On the other hand, you don't recognize your mistakes and live in the conviction that you are doing the right thing, you live in an illusion where you blind yourself and, worst of all, also others, that is certainly not worthy of Yakami and a chief director. Precisely this was also part of the pre-graduation, which is why I did not get an immediate answer as to whether I had passed or not, but was told to write down the essence of the special training and the pre-graduation and send it by email. email to Kimu Sensei. I drove from the pre-graduation with a strange empty feeling in my head, but at the same time I knew that I had a lot I wanted to get out.
I spent a few days after graduation to think things over, because I knew that the document I was now going to write would be one of the most important in my life, seen from Yakami's perspective. Here something wonderful happened and the pieces came together in my mind and I wrote the letter to Kimu Sensei, as the thoughts gradually came to me. I will not reproduce the contents of the letter 100 % here, as, firstly, it is deeply personal and my benefit, from a special training adapted for me, but it is partially described in the above. But schematically, I saw the light in the special training, and the figure below contains the essence of my training course and can also be used as a guide for others
Briefly, the figure can be explained as follows: Yakami Taijutsu is the center and goal of the entire training. The tool to reach a certain level in Yakami Taijutsu is Yakami Gensei-ryu, where the main emphasis and essence is the basic training. In the basic training, which is the link to Yakami Taijutsu, you have to find the technique and train the details, also called "Hiden", understand them internally as well as externally. On the mental side, the tool is a "cleansing" of the mind, understanding your potential and seeing your strong and weak sides, here it happens through a mirror from Kimu Sensei. Taken together, you create your own techniques physically with the "root" in the traditional, and psychologically through self-knowledge "what can you do?" "Do you want it enough?", said in another way, you set the limits yourself. It may sound very beautiful and far-fetched, but think about it, I have been doing that….for a long time!
I only waited 4 hours for the response, although it felt longer. The answer was "You have hereby passed your pre-graduation, congratulations". I read it many times and a stone fell from my heart, this email was worth all 5 months. I felt relieved and again had the courage to move forward, but also knew that, at this moment, the course was set in the future towards even greater demands, challenges, responsibilities and obligations.
During the many hours of training, you get many experiences both physically and mentally, which I have also described above. There is also experience to be gained here. When you collect these experiences and ideas and perceive them as tools, you can see connections between different techniques. I experienced e.g. suddenly seeing a connection between Iai and basic parries, but also between Jo techniques and Hsingi techniques.
I think this is essential, and you can suddenly see that what you have been taught and told, and which should lead you towards the ultimate goal, is all true. At the same time as you set the first milestone in your career, represented by the 1.dan graduation, you also find out how big the syllabus is or how big the opportunities are. But if you want to take advantage of the opportunities, I have learned if anyone, you have to sow your seeds yourself by participating in the training you have the opportunity to do, water the seeds by training and not practicing, and seek out knowledge, and harvest the fruits when they are ripe.
Between all this there is a God who, in cooperation with you, decides how big a harvest it will be. But one thing is certain, in Jokokan the sun always shines and the rain comes when it is needed, and there is always an experienced "harvest master" to guide you to one's limit. Having said this, it must also be recognized that in Jokokan there is room for everyone, but if you want to go far, it is an individual and sometimes lonely and hard process.
Conclusion/Afterword
These three articles have raised quite a few questions, some of which I have answered, others remain in limbo and can only be answered by the individual's mind and soul: Are you good enough? Do you have the will? Do you want it enough?, can you answer honestly? If you ask yourself questions, you will often get an answer to where you stand in reality, how far you have come. I have been asked the same question myself, and I have answered some of it in these articles based on my own experiences with the special training course and my own home training.
In short, I can express it in the following way: You can go as far as you want, when you want, only you set the limit. The limitation comes in the form of where you are in your life cycle, i.e. how much you want to sacrifice of resources both physically and mentally and how much you believe in yourself.
At the same time, you must necessarily trust your teacher and his statement that what he shows is the true path, if you don't do this, you risk "treading water" and thus experiencing unnecessary stops in development. Most people are far from perfect and will experience missteps in Yakami as well, and here comes the motto, acknowledge your mistakes also to others and in this way you must learn from your mistakes so that you do not make them again, to the right, and at the same time you avoid to build unnecessary illusions that create a wrong image of yourself also towards the outside world.
When you train long and intensively on something, e.g. the basic parades, as I did, you experience new sides of these and the meaning of "Hiden". No movements are random, the way you prepare the technique creates the technique, this is how you decide whether it has to be a good technique. If nothing is left to chance, the optimal ending is achieved. Analogously, you can say that, in life, you decide for yourself how you want to live, if you leave it to chance, then life will be. If you choose according to your best conviction, you create your own future and life, is that Yakami? I know the answer and several of my colleagues do, do you?
Today I know the direction my life should take, I no longer have any doubts that Yakami is the right choice for me. I had to be convinced and have also failed. As I forge my own future in Jokokan, I am convinced that I will be faced with even more difficult questions. But I have come through difficult choices and seen the green meadow on the other side, therefore it will also be easier to face future choices. My role as head instructor has not been insignificant in all this, it was partly my own choice at the request of Kimu Sensei. The fact that I have become a chief instructor means that I have had to take the statement "knowledge obligates" seriously from the start and make sure to pass on the knowledge that I have after all. Hopefully, the students I educate in the future will follow suit and create their own lives, and share the knowledge that belongs to them.
I hope these three articles have clarified and clarified what it means to receive special training and how much it is up to you to contribute to and interpret the training. Hopefully, these three articles have also paved the way for future black belts and possible chief instructors, as you can see that it is not so mysterious, many times it is a matter of hard work and common sense. When I've been training, I've also looked for inspiration from other places. Since I've played a lot of music myself, I'll end with a quote from a song by Dream Theater. This particular verse, in my opinion, contains a lot of Yakami and my path towards the goal, but it is up to you to interpret if it suits you.
Album: Images & Words, song: Learning to Live
Another chance to lift my life
Free the sensation in my heart
To ride the wings of dreams
Into changing horizons
It brings inner peace within my mind,
As I'm lifted from where I've played my life
I hear an innocent voice
I hear kindness, beauty and truth
With this, I say thank you for your attention and wish everyone continued good training, and remember one thing: Accept what comes your way, but also be good at sharing what comes afterwards!!!!
Martin Hansen
