It is Saturday March 21 and the time is 11:10 p.m. I lie in my bed and do little uncontrollable flailings with my arms and legs. There is no system in the movements, but if you were inside my head you would be able to see that I am doing kata Chi-I. I am in the borderland between being awake and asleep, where the brain begins to dream but still has not completely released control of the body. It's only been 11 hours since I graduated to the 2nd kyu Yakami Shinsei-ryu degree, but my subconscious apparently didn't think it was over yet.

There have been so many experiences and so much learning during the last week that I don't really know how to describe it here. But "overwhelmingly-intense-and-exhausting" is probably the word that sums up my latest graduation best.

Sunday March 14, 2010 – one week before spring camp
At 14.00: I am sitting on my bike on the way home from Nautilus in Ballerup. In the luggage I have a passed physical stop test and a little more. Because after the test was over, I chose to take an extra bronze circle to test my form. It went well and I can now feel the confidence growing a little in my stomach. I'm in good shape.

Friday 19 March – the day before spring camp
At 19:12: An instructor stands behind me and shouts "Come on - 100%". Agnes and I both give it everything we have as we exchange attacks back and forth across the floor in sanbon kumite with basic parries. My head boils, I gasp for breath, Agnes attacks, shouts kiai, I attack, shouts kiai, suddenly a blow hits Agnes on the side of the head. Agnes takes care of her face, she has a gash in her eyebrow and the blood runs down her cheek and hands. Full of concern for Agnes and annoyance at not having had full control of the situation, I can do nothing but watch as Jens Kyoshi takes Agnes out of the dojo. An instructor takes her place and there is no room to think about it any more.

At 19:47: We are starting the syllabus test and Kimu Sensei is looking through the syllabus. The questions Kimu Sensei asks are simple and obvious... "What does Shindenkan mean?". My head is boiling again but I'm either not quick enough to answer or not well enough prepared. In the middle of me answering a question, Kimu Sensei looks away which makes me stop.

At 20:05: The freestyle test is at its peak and I fight against Søren Renshi-dai. Søren Renshi-dai has cornered me and he in complete control of the situation. I've had three other opponents before Søren Renshi-dai and I'm tired, but I give it everything I have within the limits set for the test: 100% intensity with blows in the chudan area.

At 20:25: The freestyle test is over and I am sitting with Søren Renshi-dai and the other graduates. We are waiting for it to be our turn to come in to Kimu Sensei and get the results of today's three stop tests. Agnes has just come out of there. She has completed with a good result and seems relieved and happy. Søren Renshi-dai says that there are some of them who have to get up early the next morning to set up the podium for tomorrow's training camp. I offer to help as I live 500 meters from the hall.

At 23:05: I lie in my bed after taking the children's clothes down to their mother. I have also washed my gi and can now hear the low rolling drop against the sides of the drum in the dryer. I flunked the syllabus test. But Kimu Sensei has given me and a few others the opportunity to re-examine the next day before spring camp starts. I tried to assess what I was missing and then read for half an hour. But in the end I had to admit that I was too tired and that it was wiser to go to bed.

Saturday 20 March – Shindenkan Spring Camp 2010
At 9:10 a.m.: Spring camp has started. I have been up at 6:30 to study for the syllabus test that started at 8:20. I passed. But along the way I had to break my promise to Søren Renshi-dai to help set up the podium. I'm upset that I didn't just say straight out the night before that I was dumped and therefore had to prioritize reading the syllabus again. I wasn't "on" when it mattered. The price is that I am now embarrassed that I have not lived up to being a good role model.

At 10:45: Søren Renshi-dai teaches us how to use the series in the pinan kata - bunkai. The teaching is concentrated and there are many aha experiences in the understanding of the kata. But I can feel that I am mentally exhausted, my leg muscles are sore and the blisters under my feet are burning. It feels like I'm glued to the floor.

At 1:30 p.m.: I'm completely exhausted, sweat is pouring off me, I'm gasping for breath and have a metallic taste in my mouth. A relief spreads from my thoughts into my body. I have finished the last stop test, which is a test of my endurance and will to complete. I don't know how long the test lasted, I just focused on continuing to hit the pad in front of me, the best I could. At this second, I don't care about the outcome of the test. It's over - for this time.

Learning
I passed and got the 2nd kyu degree in Yakami Shinsei-ryu. There has been a lot of learning for me in this graduation process. I have been reminded that thorough preparation is essential. Or in other words, prioritize your time, recognize your strengths and weaknesses, train them and make sure you rest. Another important reminder for me has been that you have to stay in the moment and be present even when you are pushed to the limit. Do not look for confirmation in others but trust yourself and your ability. And last but not least, be "on" and keep what you promise. It's all something I'd like to get better at.

Finally, I would like to conclude by noting that the entire graduation and spring camp took place as usual in a professional and concentrated but also safe and friendly atmosphere. All that remains is to hope that tonight my head will accept that the graduation is over and give me a good night's sleep without too many sudden interruptions. You have to be 100% awake when you go to graduation.