The time had come for my first training camp of the season and I picked up a happy and smiling Kimu Sensei as agreed and he immediately asked if I was prepared and ready...

Preparation is always very important and this time I was not properly prepared. My preparation corresponded to the fact that I came to my graduation in the 7th dan syllabus, but had only prepared for the 5th dan syllabus, i.e. the curriculum I have already graduated in!

Kimu Sensei got really angry with me and said, “It's been 8 months since we planned this training camp and you haven't prepared properly yet? Please remember that I am taking time out for this training camp for your sake from my work, vacation days, house duties and my family, and because we have agreed on it, the least you can do is prepare properly”.

When the anger had subsided, Kimu Sensei continued: "You fight against yourself and insist that the world around you must change so that you can live in a world you are not afraid of!"

The stage was set and I was under pressure as always and most of all because I knew Kimu Sensei was right. Hmm…

"Pattern breaker or habitual offender"! Or should the article have been called "Pattern breaker or habit breaker", well, I will leave that to you readers to decide in what follows. But to give it meaning, here is a brief definition of this article's understanding of the meaning:

A pattern breaker is someone there proved changes its patterns in order not to be stuck or when and perhaps not to be fixed on anything…

A pattern criminal, on the other hand, is someone who is really good at not getting caught in his crimes and at covering his tracks so that it takes a really good detective to catch him. A pattern criminal is so used to putting up a smokescreen that it becomes "second nature", i.e. that this is about unproven conscious choice.

A habitual criminal is a person who is 100 % controlled by his habits and commits his "crimes" without thinking about it, but simply because it is the action one usually carries out, i.e. that one is guided by conscious unproven choice.

A Habit Breaker is someone who takes his habitual actions up for evaluation, reevaluates with his new knowledge and if the old habits are not suitable, the habit breaker makes a decision to change his habit, it is a proven action.

Sometimes you can get hit in the head with a baseball bat! And it's just a real shame when it's someone who does it themselves - also because it's unreasonable and unnecessary. So how does it all work out for me?

Yes, if you repeat a pattern that does not lead to the goal, but instead leads to conflict or reuses my only known pattern of success, the pattern that has led to success in all other areas, over and over again with no success at all - it is time to break that pattern.

The pattern I am talking about is the pattern I personally use to create enough energy, to push myself forward towards development and self-understanding, cannot bring me through the Menkyo gate, my inner control and resistance is too great for that.

Something completely different is needed and there is actually nothing new in that for me!

What does a habitual offender do when the situation arises? The same as he usually does, oops! What does a pattern breaker do when experience shows that the used pattern does not produce results? He breaks the pattern and thinks maybe it will go in a different way, hm... not bad.

What does a pattern criminal do when he is about to be caught doing something illegal - he creates illusions, erases his tracks and spreads a smokescreen, oops!

What does a habit breaker do, he takes his habit up for re-evaluation, makes a decision about what is sensible to do and breaks the habit - i.e. common sense! No, but listen, I've never used that so close to my limit! I can feel the inner resistance rising in me again...

As always at my training camps with Kimu Sensei, there is an incredible amount of intensity and there is a lot of work at Kimu Sensei's"much broad" shoulders, in keeping me close to myself - or my anxiety to know myself, and contrary to custom I discovered to my great surprise that he had had to adopt a grandfather!

Internal resistance, what is it? Let me try to explain how I experience it. Have you ever experienced a situation where you feel that you know what is the right thing to do - but inside you have so much resistance that you choose to do the exact opposite? You don't know why and it's not rational, but you do it anyway.

In my case, inner resistance is the fear of change and thereby losing control over my life as I know it right now! I know the feeling very well – it's the feeling of being a habitual criminal who after a while becomes a pattern criminal!

Hm... the pattern breaker wanted to break the pattern and try something new, maybe I should too or? The addict would use their common sense, think about it, make a decision, implement it and break the habit. There it was again – it seems I can't escape common sense.

Do I dare? Entering a narrow tunnel or a deep hole - without knowing where it leads. Can I accept it? It goes against my normal habits and patterns

The strengths of one method are the weaknesses of the other method. Is there even a method that will do? Maybe, but either way, it's about making a real, true and self-loving decision and then loyally sticking to it! No escape routes! How can this be approached?

The pattern breaker would immediately change the pattern and hope that the new pattern had no escape routes. The addict would use their common sense, think about it, make a decision, implement it and break the habit. No, now it has to f…. be enough. Is it a test of that habit or common sense.

The test is that you will always be shown an escape route when faced with a choice, an escape route created by your ego or your fear of change or by fate...

The only question is whether you need an escape route. You can take it unproven because you are controlled by your emotions or because your loyal survival pattern, which never fails you, dictates that you must take it to avoid the dangerous uncertainty!

The danger here lies in the fact that it is an unproven choice that is governed by my emotional interior and my emotional interior is governed by whether you have a good or a bad day. My unproven choice may be right or wrong but you can't be sure because you are not 100 % settled.

This clarification only takes place after the transition to Menkyo, everything must be clarified in black or white, there are no other options.

The test is that it is either right or wrong and because I am 100 % clarified there is no need for an escape route - but can make a proven choice. And precisely the difference between conscious choices, I have a good example of here;

During a break, Kimu Sensei and I went for a walk. Kimu Sensei immediately spotted the Scientology stand, which had a large sign "Get your stress level measured here". The nice young and polite people were each standing by their sensitive electric instruments, so Kimu Sensei said I should try. With a tube in each hand, a friendly speaking tester who constantly asked questions, the measuring arrow rose very quickly into the red field.

The tester said that the sensitive electrical measuring device showed that I was very stressed. As the manager of several departments with 334 people during a violent change process, I concluded that it should probably fit.

I had a good chat with the tester about that, and at the same time I could see out of the corner of my eye that Kimu Sensei had stood up at the other device. I continued to talk with my tester, but became more and more unfocused, as I could see that things were not going exactly according to Scientology's normal testing process over at the stand with Kimu Sensei.

Kimu Sensei stood smiling and holding the two measuring tubes, conversing kindly and smilingly with his tester. A tester who became more and more unfocused and desperate when he finally turned up the maximum power on the tester, wondered if the device was broken, conversed more and more loudly, and still without the desired result; The measuring needle did not move out of the spot!. It was at zero.

When we left I asked Kimu Sensei what just happened there. He replied, it is quite ordinary physics. All people's bodies have an electrical impulse/energy that very sensitive devices can measure. This can be enhanced by the tester asking questions and the test subject answering, as this increases the electrical discharge slightly.

Kimu Sensei concluded that this was quite ordinary physics, but also human manipulation, which was absolutely not polite and proper when used against curious and searching people.

Therefore, Kimu Sensei gave the testers a humorous lesson; he made a conscious choice not to give off any extra energy that the device could measure!.

Um, I replied desperately, but certainly not surprised, as I have experienced many strange and humorous things with Kimu Sensei over the years; ”When the tester looked up at 100 %, there was a fraction of a second a tiny tiny bump!,?”. "Yes, of course!", replied Kimu Sensei and continued; "It was a conscious choice - because they are rude and manipulative people, so I don't have to do and be the same... - I'm a polite person!". And then we continued down the street.

"Yes", I thought. It's like in the old days you read about a polite, talented and deliberate visiting swordsman maintaining his dignity and face by always winning or drawing at least once when he met another polite and deliberate, in a shiai (test match), but a much better swordsman, which usually ended with the "losing" swordsman making the conscious choice to become a student of the "winning" swordsman.

Hmm, I had merely witnessed the modern version of such a process!. However, with the difference that the tester did not make a conscious choice, but you also cannot be aware of something you are not aware of. But I want to, and as Kimu Sensei and many great masters before him said, it's simply about being yourself and thus making conscious choices..

Kimu Sensei asked me this question: "Do you want to live your life like everyone else or do you just want to be yourself?".

Dare I live a life where all my actions are 100 % in accordance with my value set, where the consequence of all my actions are either black or white – 100 % clarified, regardless of other people's opinion and then have no escape route?. Do I dare, even if it is anxiety-provoking, I can without betraying my values. Am I strong enough?

This question put my clarification process under great pressure - but why? I asked myself the question over and over again at this training camp and I didn't get the answer I expected.

Instead, it became more and more clear that the important thing is not so much whether I dare or whether I can or that I am strong enough – the most important thing is whether I want it enough.

Am I a Pattern Breaker or am I a pattern offender or a habitual offender - I know myself that I am a pattern offender, an illusionist who lays out smokescreens for myself and others I can convince along the way.

But isn't it time that I break my habit, that I openly and honestly with myself assess what is reasonable and make a decision, implement it and become a habit breaker and constant.