Recognition of yourself – Training seminar no. 33

The scene is set.
14 days before the camp I spoke to Kimu Sensei and when he asked if I was in good shape, I told him that my shape was ok and that I had started training my runs and circles for the upcoming physical test for instructors in June. After a while, Kimu Sensei told me that it was a shame because he had hoped that I would only use rowing and that I had improved my times since last time - because he had!.

Kimu Sensei told me that his display was broken. So he had rowed without a display to show speed and cadence, which makes it very difficult to optimize the training effort or adjust the pace towards a certain distance, so he had rowed faster than he otherwise would have done and that had improved his times considerably.

When I had spoken to him it dawned on me what I could probably expect at the upcoming training camp, because he was now in much better shape than last time! I quickly had to test my own form on the rowing machine so I knew what I was getting into in 14 days and after 2000 meters I could see that I was approx. same level as last time - so it was guaranteed to be hard - maybe even VERY hard, and I could feel the pressure increasing significantly. The pressure made me insecure and the internal battle had begun. I knew that I would rather die than give up - but you can die many times during such a camp.. I briefly thought about it, because I know that we never do anything at a training camp without a purpose.

Training camp begins.
The day came when the training camp had to start and I picked up Kimu Sensei early in the morning and after a quick cup of espresso we set off for South Zealand.

You are not very far from the Menkyo Omote gate, but the road there requires you to acknowledge yourself and show yourself love – in general, you have to be kinder to yourself. Start meditating on who you are and acknowledge yourself.

With this, the training camp was underway and Kimu Sensei had made me start my inner battle – the battle to be good enough, the battle to see myself as I am, the battle to be sure enough to be able to recognize myself and I was more than a little bit scared... It was serious and everything inside me felt like chaos.

Suro Bashi – training in water.
During the meditation where I had just reached a conclusion, Kimu Sensei called me and asked me if I was ok, because he thought it had been a very confusing meditation I had had. After I assured him that I was ok, he told me to get ready for physical training.

Hmm.. I thought, now it's time to row myself in the fence - I had prepared for that, now I just hope I can make it!!!

A further approx. 5 minutes, after which Kimu Sensei called again and said: "We will meet in 5 minutes bring your swimming trunks". Immediately I thought what... changes in plans, what's going to happen now? And oops, I lost control again – I'm sure I could see Kimu Sensei smiling lovingly at me J.

When we went into the water to train, Kimu Sensei said: "Training in water is called Suio Bashi and when you train in water it is important to remember that the water is your friend".

The water is a good test.
We practiced walking kihon in the water with free combinations of parries, punches and kicks. The focus was placed on moving correctly in relation to the water - or as mentioned before with the water as my friend and at the same time keeping center line and balance - correct waza.

I think this form of training is very difficult and requires so much concentration that I sometimes forgot to breathe - it was basic learning that didn't quite work!

But I was challenged even more when we trained kumite, where I constantly felt either that the water was too deep or that the buoyancy was too great. Kimu Sensei encouraged me to think it was fun regardless of success or not - but instead I felt in really deep water.

After a while, Kimu Sensei said: "You feel like you can't move fast enough, but you can move fast in water". After that we had kumite where Kimu Sensei showed me how quickly he could attack after a predicted combination. There was no difference at all whether it was on land or water - and that surprised me because I couldn't manage to parry.

It also showed me that Kimu Sensei was a friend of the water and the relative difference that I was not!

When we got up in the water I felt very tired and I could feel that I had used a very large amount of energy, both on moving but also on concentrating on partly moving in relation to the water and the pressure I was exposed to for in kumite, which was very difficult to contain.

At the end of this training session, Kimu Sensei said to me: “The water is a good test and you just found out that you are good at panicking! But it's not the water, the temperature or anything else that's a problem, it's yourself and the things you make yourself feel and to which you give in. Consider the following:

The difference between elite soldiers and professional soldiers is not necessarily that elite soldiers are much better at fighting, but rather that they can stand a much higher pressure without panicking. Ordinary soldiers panic more easily, among other things, because they are not clear about life and death – it's a question of overview and then leadership"

Kimu Sensei continued: "Budo can be compared to being in a war zone - balancing on one's utmost ability, will and attitude to life and death, where things become very simple - it is either life or death or to put it another way there is only one life and only one death.

It is very simple, there is an attack and a defense in a long repeated process where you need to find the balance within yourself. This can only be done by being yourself

If, in between the repetitive attacks, you try to change your inner balance or change your outer framework, or lose focus on the real thing, which is that they are only one chance, you have lost.

You will have to get structure in your thoughts, if you allow chaos you lose the overview and if you lose the overview, those you are responsible for also lose the overview. The inner leadership spreads like rings in the water to the outer leadership.

You need to see it as one process! - "Give up the control that your ego requires you to have - and thus gain control over yourself"

Learning.
After this training, it was time for meditation and immersion in myself and my reactions, and it was clear to me that the only way I can get to know myself is by going through, "reading" my inner passages over the significant periods in my life. life from child to adult and understand why these hold me back and then recognize that the decisions I have taken on the basis of self-defense are no longer suitable - and recognize that I am ok. On top of that maybe understand that there are more lives!

Among other things, what I have to learn in this life is to recognize myself, to give the genuine and untouched recognition that comes from deep within myself, for better or for worse. I must learn to give myself the feedback that if I really do my best, I have done it as well as I could and if I subsequently find out that it could have been done better, this must be a learning that ensures that I do it better next time.

Through my training camps with Kimu Sensei and through his very knowledgeable and patient guidance on the way to my Menkyo, I get to know myself. I am learning to recognize myself as an imperfect human being who, like everyone else, must choose between maintaining himself in the worn-out patterns of the past or freeing himself from the past in order to start the fulfillment of my destiny in the present. Now, when I can prepare myself for whatever tasks God or the great plan has for me. This is about attitude and trust.

It's about the belief that if I give up my ego and fear, I receive my soul and what does that mean?

Could this mean that my ego, which I have created through my first 7 years of life for better or worse, and which I have subsequently maintained for 40 years, must be thrown away just like that!?

And does that mean that I get my soul to learn, maybe from several 100 years and life?!.

Religion or Budo.
Are there certain similarities between religion and budo? Voluntarily going through suffering and even punishment could perhaps lead the reader to the conclusion that I am a very religious person and when you add to that that the Japanese pronunciation of Jens is Jensu, it is clear to everyone that there is only n 'just a difference J – or...

But, let me state that I am not religious, but when I myself read the previous paragraphs of this article it undeniably sounds like that, but this is budo and real budo is a tool for self-development - maybe in reality that is also the purpose with religion, instead of usually the opposite?.

Most people enter a dojo with the dream of a black belt as the ultimate recognition, but it's just a belt. The ultimate recognition must come from within yourself.

The ultimate recognition has to come from within myself and that means I have to assess whether I like what I see - for better or for worse.

It also means that I can choose to be part of the overall plan and if I have to die, it is meant to be and I cannot change it. It also means that I don't have to worry about what was before or what comes after.

Budo is simple – there is an attack and a defense.