Beginning
It was Thursday 12 February 2009 and I was going to a training camp with Kimu Sensei in Malmö. As usual, Kimu Sensei was hungry and after we had handed over our luggage, Kimu Sensei asked if I had had lunch because he was really hungry.

On the drive, Kimu Sensei turned the conversation to the difference between white and black manipulation. Kimu Sensei explained the difference as follows: By black manipulation is meant manipulation of others for one's own gain, while white manipulation is an expression of manipulation of others for their gain. Here you act as a "birth assistant".

As an example, Kimu Sensei showed me a connection between how, by being exposed to white manipulation, I had unprovenly started to use my weak points in a positive way and that this had been successful in my professional work.

Kimu Sensei went on to tell me that this was also a way of teaching me about the strength of my weaknesses if they were used positively. I have to admit that this was a surprise to me because I had not seen it that way myself. But when he said it, I knew it was completely true!.

During lunch we talked about an essential personal work task that Kimu Sensei had given me before the training camp, which had and has great meaning for me. When we had eaten, the first training session started, which was meditation with the task: "What is the status?".

After the first meditation training, Kimu Sensei said to me: "You were given a task before the training camp which gave you a real "aha experience" and it seems as if you have enough of it - you seem a bit cocky 🙂 ".

This was of course provocative and just as Kimu Sensei expected, my inner battle started immediately, because if there is something I do not consider myself to be, it is self-righteous. But he was right - I wasn't ready and it wasn't the best working conditions Kimu Sensei had - that is, at that time J.

A little later, Kimu Sensei said with a smile: "We'll meet in 5 minutes dressed, then I hope I'm in good enough shape to show you something about yourself...". The last with a big sigh.

We entered the training room, Kimu Sensei led us over to the rowing machines and explained to me: "Now we have to row and you must not get under 2:05 min per row. 500 meters and for every km we check how far you have come and if you are behind me you must increase the cadence until you have caught up. The same applies to me as well”. After that, GO! was said, whereupon Kimu Sensei immediately set off with under 2:00 min per round. 500 meters.

Hmm, I thought, this is going to be tough. But I knew that we had rowed for roughly the same times and lengths – maybe Kimu Sensei had rowed a little bit stronger and longer than Jeg J.

The first km was rowed in just under 4 minutes, the second km was passed in 7.55 and at 2.5 km it started to get tough. "You are 50 meters behind" said Kimu Sensei and as agreed I increased the cadence from 34 to 40 beats per minute.

At 2.7 km I was still behind by 30 meters and I discovered, despite the efforts, that I had only gained 20 meters. Then I could sense that this was going to be really hard. Quietly, my internal struggle began - but ok, I thought, we will continue...

When I passed 3 km just before 12 minutes, I had come up to 70 meters behind and my inner struggle intensified. The internal battle revolved around the following theme: "I never give up - how long will this last because I can't stand it"!

Fighting internally with myself at the same time as I gasped for breath and my breathing became higher and higher in my chest was not beneficial for me and I could no longer keep up the cadence and I really lost speed. Kimu Sensei stopped very abruptly after approx. 13 minutes and there I had passed 3280 km and Kimu Sensei had passed 3500 i.e. that I was behind by 250 meters - I was completely done.

After a short break, Kimu Sensei said to me: “You follow your typical pattern, when the going gets tough you lose focus and start fighting internally with yourself. Why? Why don't you just do your best and accept it for what it is? After all, you can do nothing but do your best! And if it's not good enough, then you've done EVERYTHING you could and can therefore do no more. To lose your focus is to lose your best. Is it wise to fight on several fronts when only one is necessary?”

As usual, he was right, because instead of staying focused until there was no more to give, I started fighting internally and lost my cadence. It wasn't about winning or losing or about surviving. It was 100 % about discovering how to react when you are pushed to the limit, regardless of whether it is physical, emotional or mental.

In the fitness room there were also 2 tilting boards of the type you use to train balance or rehabilitate ankles etc. Kimu Sensei put them opposite each other and said now we have to have kumite.

Okay, I've tried kumite in water and in the air with Kimu Sensei, where I'm pushed on all possible and impossible plans - and kumite on a balance board with Kimu Sensei was not easier - it was damn hard!. But it was also fun, challenging and educational.

Kimu Sensei told me that what we trained on the balance board was Naihanchi, where the movement possibilities in close combat are limited and everything happens within a body frame.

I asked Kimu Sensei how to use Kata Naihanchi and Kimu Sensei answered with a question: "What is the essence of Shiho level 1 - 6?".

Shiho level 1-6 (9.kyu-2.dan), in the new Shindenkan curriculum is something that we at Kaidenkan have trained intensively for the last 6 months and I therefore answered briefly:

• Level 1 = direction and basic technique – see what you are doing
• Level 2 = level 1+Tai-sabaki – how do you move optimally
• Level 3 = level 1-2 + Cross tension - how do you use your whole body optimally
• Level 4 = level 1-3 + Power and movement – how do you generate optimal power in your movement.
• Level 5 = Level 1-4 + Control – how to gain control over an opponent and maintain it
• Level 6 = level 1-5 + Termination – how are terminations carried out and what does it mean that the process is endless.

There you have the answer to Naihanchi - the kata is about being able to perform optimal and effective close combat, which is trained within a limited range of movement. In other words, it is the training to be able to injure or in extreme cases – kill, quickly and efficiently without superfluous movements and very close to yourself – it's simple.

I thought about that a lot and later Kimu Sensei asked me the question: “Consider the following; Can you take a life without being forced to?”.

Kimu Sensei continued: “You can take life and you can give life. Taking a life is easy and therefore no challenge, so why should you. But giving a life is so much more difficult and therefore also a much greater challenge.”

Here we start talking about the difference between martial arts and martial arts. Where the consequence in martial arts is winning or losing a point, or the difference between respect and humiliation, the consequence in martial arts is the difference between life and death – nothing else.

As an example, I can remember a situation where a seasoned black belt instructor had a need to assert himself and was also in a life crisis which had a great impact on him. It was one of the big, strong and heavy boys of almost 100 kg and many were a little afraid of him, as his movements were not always under control. As the situation was, it became more and more confrontational and high stakes were played on his part. Finally he was allowed to attack the martial arts instructor in charge and it was parried with the greatest ease, which was to be expected.

Then the roles were switched around and when the martial arts instructor had to attack, the black belt instructor didn't manage to react at all until it was over. The strange thing was that those of us who saw it thought that we could have parried the attack with the greatest of ease, as it was proceeding at a very friendly pace, until it dawned on us that this was indeed the intention, since it was still a teaching situation!.

I saw that he had made a small graceful and gentle tick on his neck, almost like a small touch or marking. The result was that the black belt instructor broke and had to collapse on the floor, pale in the head, tears in his eyes, panicked and thrashing, and with both hands on his throat.

Why did he do it? He wasn't hit hard, what happened?. Well, the short answer was that this was done as a martial art and the consequence of an accepted challenge is therefore life or death - i.e. that the experienced black belt instructor thought he was going to die!.

We black belt students had learned a lot and we were all spurred on further towards martial arts. It was a terrifying experience and realization, but at the same time very beautiful and life-affirming. The black belt instructor did not come for the next 3-4 months and later quit.

Afterwards we reviewed how it had gone and Kimu Sensei said to me: "What do you say to your students when they can't keep their balance?". Wise as I am, I replied: "Go deeper into the positions and lower your center of gravity". Kimu Sensei then replied: "Do different rules apply to them than to you?". Hmm…

The ending
In my last session of meditative training, things pressed on. All the time my thoughts were moving on the words of Kimu Sensei: “Either you are good enough or you are not, everything you do contains the seeds of success and the possibility of failure. Like it or not, you probably believe in yourself. Why just be good when you can be exceptional and realize your full potential?”.

It hammered through my head again and again, forcing me to seek my answer there.

As I have been told many times before; should I learn from the past, be in the present and prepare for the future. There is a past and a future, but you can only be in one place – in the present. But what does that mean!?

The past may contain a lot of failures, but perhaps also a lot of successes. The future is created by your actions, but the only way you can develop is by being 100 % – 100 % in the present and if you believe in yourself, the future holds success, learning and wisdom – and maybe a lottery win or three J .

So what is important – it is the present.

I meditate further: External points such as good enough - not good enough, success - failure, believe in myself - do not believe in myself, contain internal battles that I keep fighting - and there is chaos, aggression, frustration and self-pity.

In the end it dawns on me that my only option to create calm in chaos is to be in the present, that is the place where I can be free, where I don't try to control things.

I can feel myself being led in this direction by my guide on the journey. I agree and it feels good but also very scary. I taste it, follow along until a point of view, a point where time stops and I open my eyes, look at the view. Could it be…

The present is now, where time can be stopped and the details become clear, where the mists lift and a beautiful picture emerges, a landscape with sunshine, I just have to take the next step, come on I say to myself, let go even free!.

Suddenly it's like looking at a picture, a picture where I can be myself and where I can be born again if I dare..

The phone rang at the same moment and I got a huge shock and just had to pull myself together to get up and answer. It was, of course, Kimu Sensei who briefly said: "Good job, now you know what to write in your article". I sat there afterwards and was quite shaken. Partly because of being pulled back to reality, but also because of Kimu Sensei's words, which hit directly into my meditation. Like that, I could run with it.

It took me 40 minutes to recover from this and as I went through my meditation it slowly dawned on me what it was I had seen…

Could it be, dare I say it, could it be the view of Menkyo? But am I good enough to be reborn in such a beautiful image? I'm just me!..

The answer through my now 32 training camps with Kimu Sensei is of course: Yes, all people are good enough and can if they want to 100 % live out their full potential. I am personally happy that there is someone who is prepared to help me along the way and act as my birth attendant.

Oops, now I seem to have just reduced Kimu Sensei from martial arts grandmaster to midwife, so I guess I better end my article now 🙂

Afterplay
Let me make it absolutely clear that the physical training passes at my training camps only have a tertiary purpose and are only used to emphasize a point in relation to my work areas.

But I have to admit that I thought it had been physically hard to row out in the red field and I also knew very well that I was not in top shape, but not in bad shape either, but there was a drought to say the least Sahara inside my mouth.

When I think about it, maybe it was a little bit exaggerated that it took so much for me to understand a point, but my stubbornness that is not always beneficial 🙂

The short summary of our physical sessions is that we did 3 VO2max (heart rate) training sessions within 24 hours, where we drove completely beyond the edge of our maximum heart rate. The first time it was hard, but on numbers 2 and 3 it was more than hard and against all odds we finished with better and better times, as I understood the point and was "good about myself" 🙂

The machines we used are called Concept2. These are the ones that are typically found in a fitness center and when I examined their website I found out that they had a VO2max calculator for rest performance compared to 2 km with a margin of error of max. 1-1½ %.

None of us thought we were in good shape this early in the season, but we must be in better shape than we thought, because according to concept2's website, our performances weren't even that bad. In addition, our VO2max served as a warm-up for the subsequent hard but instructive Hassei Yakami-ryu training.

In all 3 trials above the highest measuring point for VO2max of 45 (condital) – that is for our age group 🙂 :